Maybe I don’t have what it takes to be a scholar, all too often I blow off my assigned readings to drink coffee and read for pleasure. I can barely pay attention in class because my mind breaks away from my will and wanders around unrelated issues like a rebellious child, demanding independence from his mother at much too young of an age. They both need to be disciplined.
On my trip to Berkeley it became evident to me that I was a character in my own story. There are times in life where it’s almost as if you take a step back and look at yourself going through a particular experience and it feel as if the plot of your life is progressing right in front of you. Be it meeting someone you have a remarkable affinity for, someone you fall in love with, or else a tragedy you or someone you love must endure—there are moments in life where you feel like life is happening to you. Sometimes it feels as if everything is staged from the wind, waiting for its cue to make an appearance just when you begin to appreciate the weather, to the people you meet. Upon meeting a new person, their “uhhs” and “ums” make it seem like they are either genius thespians who throw in nervous stammering to make their character authentic or else amateurs who are stumbling to remember their lines. Either way these moments make the phenomenon of life more apparent to us as we actually feel like we are living through a linear plot with a beginning, middle, and ultimately an end.
For that reason I believe a great deal of us are terrified of change. We cling to unhealthy relationships, we cling to unfulfilling jobs, unhealthy habits, etc. because the alternative is the unknown and the novel. Life without change is like a story that never continues. We are much too comfortable sticking to what we know now—if the book ends on page 347, we set up camp somewhere in chapter 8 and refuse to turn the page. It all makes logical sense, we don’t mind that our character isn’t fully developed, has problems with his love life, and can’t seem to finish school because who knows what else can go wrong two chapters from here and we certainly don’t want to know how it all ends for us. Change reminds us that life is progressing, that we won’t stay young forever, and that perhaps we’ll one day be away from our parents or the friends that we know now. Change reminds us that ultimately the only person who is guaranteed to remain with us throughout life is our self. I realized that at Berkeley because besides one friend, I had no other familiarity there with me. The pages in my life are turning and soon the plot will introduce a new setting and new characters.
I sat in an auditorium receiving the opening remarks by Dean Christopher Edley, former professor and mentor of President Obama, he is a man who doesn’t take himself seriously at all. Wearing thick rimmed glasses, a face that looked unshaven for several days and grin that made it seem as if he was speaking to a crowd of cheerful youth right before they embarked on their trip to Disney World, he spoke with the demeanor of a comedian warming up the crowd. He would crack jokes and the perspective admits would laugh nervously for fear that if they didn’t, their acceptance to the prestigious university would be revoked. I was in total awe of the company that I was in. How did I get here?
“Tonight I fly back to New York and then my mother and I are driving to Harvard to visit.” My new friend explained to myself and two others as he picked at his half eaten chicken salad sandwich. I knew better than to leave any of my sandwich left over—I was determined not to spend any money on my meals for that day and thus ate everything in my premade lunch box, everything except for the brownie, I don’t like sweets. The girl next to me, Ashley, had also been accepted to Harvard and they both started a process that was repeated in the heads of most of the admits throughout the trip—weighing one school against the other. To me it was fruitless in our environment, the weather was a cool low 70’s and there wasn’t a cloud in the sky almost as if Dean Edley himself warned them not to interfere. It was difficult too not imagine life at the school in that environment.
There was another fellow with us, I remember his name because it was Chris Brown. Chris Brown was a Marine who later went on to study at Oxford. He was set on study at Berkeley. Did I really deserve the company I was with? Before I could convince myself that I did a photographer came to take our picture. As four photogenic African Americans we were as attractive to a photographer as little Tommy Pickles to danger. He took a few photographs that he insisted were flattering and began to tell us how great the school was. He spoke of a time he was chartered to photograph a young Barak Obama as he was deciding whether there was a strong enough following in California to run for President. He spoke of Obama’s and Edley’s mentor-mentee relationship. I was captivated.
My friend Gina’s roommate, Marcus and I had a conversation on the rooftop of their apartment. The view was spectacular and I was teased at the thought of witnessing a sunset from the roof. San Francisco was in plain view and the Golden Gate Bridge had a thin veil of fog hiding its face, the wind was slowly removing it as a groom would with the promise of a tasteful kiss. Marcus commented on how fortunate we were to be here, “The leaders of the world came from these institutions. These are the schools our past presidents were instructed and instructed others.” My goodness, he is absolutely right. Is this where my story has led me? What now?
I have to remind myself of my personal goal to become a good person, to live up to my full potential. Of course this is where I have been led! I have always encouraged others to work hard, to be ambitious, to not shy away from challenge, and strive for excellence. Surely, this is the consequence of that kind of philosophy. And not one bright eyed student in that Auditorium got there by chance including me.
It wasn’t an accident at all. The moment I unpacked my boxes and bags in my new dorm and figured out how to connect my laptop to the internet I decided I was going to go straight to the top. Choice—it is a very powerful thing. It wasn’t that I won a lottery and was just lucky, no, I decided a long time ago that this is exactly what I wanted and I simply took the steps necessary to get there, very carefully and meticulously I planned on seeing this goal through years ago.
This is one of the most powerful concepts that I have discovered in my life, and it is a concept that many people, unfortunately have not grasped—the power of choice. They feel helpless in their situation and just drift through life letting one thing or another happen to them and reacting to it. That is not how we are meant to live. There is no need to long for something as if you cannot have it. Simply decide to take it and then take it. As I am sitting at my desk typing, I look up and see a cup. Suppose I want it, I can reach out and take it. That’s life. If a person wants something all they have to do is take it. That is what all the greats did. The difference between those greats and those who never see their dreams through is that the greats believe that they will have it if they desire it, others believe they can never have it although they want it.
As for me, my sight is much keener than the length of a room or a field, my sight is only limited by my ambition and imagination and I can see as far as this galaxy is from the next. I need only to think of something I want in this life and one day, through hard work and patience I will have it. I’m not special. This kind of gift is there for anyone if they will only use it.
