"Mark, you are such a great guy. You're driven and attractive, intelligent and funny."
I was staring at the fire in front of me as it mustered all its strength to come back to life as a full blaze. I nodded as my friend Sammie continued, "That's why I get mad at you and Matt when you act like you can't get girls. You two are hot." The fire wasn't; it was losing it's battle, there wasn't enough fuel. I watched on knowing that I could help, but the threat of being cold had not yet outweighed the luxury of laziness. Against my better judgment I slowly looked away from the fire's private battle and made eye contact with her. Immediately I saw that she meant what she was saying. She had a pained expression, as if she were about to cry. It was as if I were the fire- struggling and losing- and she were those camped around it- except she was helpless to do anything but tell me what she thought of me. Sammie spoke with an urgency, that to me, made it seem like it was imperative that I understand what she was telling me and accept it as truth. I started to feel again. I felt appreciated. Then I felt cold; the fire was almost out.
Rarely is it that someone tells me those things. I feel guilty resenting that, because no one is obligated to tell me what I should already know. Sammie stared at me for a reaction, but I didn't know what to say. I stole another glance at the fire, who at this point was begging someone, anyone, to give it a twig. I refused. I was just too comfortable. Finally I spoke. "Thank you, SJ. It means a lot to me that you think so highly of me and you know, sometimes I need to hear it." She smiled, kissed me on the forehead, and walked into the darkness by a shed. She reappeared with a log which she tossed to the fire, who embraced it selfishly, reminding me of a child given a new toy. Soon it was crackling cheerfully and thanking her for her charity.
This wasn't the first time Sammie successfully conveyed her esteem toward me. Because of her openness and bold appreciation for her friends, boyfriend, and family, I have a lot of respect for her. I also consider her one of my closer friends. I have another friend who loves me and whenever I sing, she tells me how much she loves me and then explains that the sound of me singing makes her want to stick sharp objects (pencils, pens, screwdrivers, syringes, sticks etc) into her ears. I laugh although I know she is serious. Mike tells me the same thing oddly enough. Sabrina and I have been close friends for several years. If anyone were to say anything against me, she becomes extremely defensive of me. She, much like Sammie, is not afraid to solemnly explain to her closest friends that she is well aware and appreciative of the people that they have grown to become, and that she will not allow them to think any differently. That's why I love her. Sabrina is a loyal and appreciative friend. A loyal friend who has no problem mutilating her own body when I elongate sounds in a rhythmic and melodic fashion. And I think it's beautiful.
I often wonder if there were times in which a friend needed me to tell them their worth and look them in the eye until they were uncomfortable, like Sammie did to me, so they know I mean business. I imagine myself talking to one of my friends and saying, "You know, man, you're a funny guy." He would say something along the lines of "Thanks bro, you are too." but I would press the issue "No, you don't understand, you are a really, really funny guy, and I appreciate you, and I love you for that. I love you and I love the element of comedy as a whole and I want you to think about that for a very long time." I would have effectively alienated my friend, but I would feel like a very good person. In fact I would turn to the girl next to me and begin, "You have a very pleasant speaking voice..."
We do live in a social world and while many people believe what others think of you doesn't matter, I would concede that what our friends think of us matters terribly. I mean they're our friends for a reason, it doesn't hurt to inquire why they remain in your life. Likewise, we often forget how much weight our words have to our friends and family. And while flowers, or a gift, help to lift the spirits of those people, our words are free and priceless.
When I'm spending time with my friends I'm going to take a moment to think about why I spend the fleeting moments of my life with them. And whatever I come up with, when the time is right, I'm going to tell them. And like Sammie I'm going to be genuine and desperate that that person truly believe me.
Song- Overkill- Colin Hay
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