Magic

I’ve been waiting for the opportunity to lean in close to someone and whisper into their ear, “Do you believe in magic?” The opportunity has never come.

Sometimes I have to fight off the thought that everything will be alright if I turn my focus to the more important things in life like courage and love. Whenever those kinds of thoughts infiltrate to the front of my mind, I do whatever it takes to ward them off. I try to distract myself with other things, take a cold shower, whatever it takes.

What nonsense.

But still, the thought always come back. Sometimes I do feel like my steps are directed, like everything is coming together. Which is weird seeing on how at the same time I always feel like something bad is going to happen to me if I don’t stay vigilantly watchful. The two states of mind are at direct competition with each other.

I think it’s a part of growing up. One day you wake up and you’re like, “You know what? Screw it, I’m going to have a good day today. I’m going to take whatever I have and make the best of it and just freakin’ have a good freakin’ day”

I get the fuzzies just thinking about it. I’m so tired of being all tense and thinking, oh what’s going to happen? What if this? What if that? No—how about I go work out instead. How about I read a book. Watch a movie. Anything.

But what if the worst happens?

Hmm I don’t know. That’s where the magic comes in, I guess. Maybe the worst will never happen. Maybe by letting go, you get it all. Here let me lay it all out so it makes sense.

What does a life sound like with no pressure? You simply do your best and you accept the result. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose. But that’s not the focus. The real focus is on you. You learn more about yourself and even others. You try to improve yourself, you set goals and you innocently work towards them. No pressure.

My challenge for the upcoming year is to chill out, but to still work hard. At the rate that your hero is going his mind will melt into gelatin. This is a big deal. One year ago I would never even have entertained such a thought, but I think I’m finally ready to just relax.