Working With a Vision

In my beginning years of college I had strong sense of purpose. I didn't know exactly what I was going to do, but I knew I was going to do something big, great. In fact I would spend my moments before bed thinking of big things that have been done in the world, that way I could just choose something from that list and make it my goal.

I'm not sure what made me think it would be as easy as making up my mind. To be sure my blind confidence was the driving power behind my excellent academic performance and my unyielding belief in going to an Ivy-League law school that had I been more realistic, I would have never pursued and settled for less with the belief that it was impossible to achieve more. The whole thing is the premise behind my Dreamers entry.

By the third year in college I was running out of that faithful, child-like mentality and I began to see boundaries and preset courses in life-- get job, save money, start family, blah blah, retire. With all the problems people around me had just making ends meet, I started to feel foolish in thinking that I was going to be special, that I was going to do anything. I maintained my grades and work ethic by habit, not because I had a vision. I looked to getting into law school as if it were the finish line rather than the start of the next book in my series, so once I would finally move into my grad school dorm I would have no idea where to go from there.

It's true that I lost what made my life meaningful when I was a freshman and sophomore in college. But now I want it back. I want the vision back. I want that cool knowing, that confidence that I will rise above the obstacles, that I will be picked out of the crowds, that I will be acknowledged for having "something special". Having that feeling as one works makes even the most painful exercises seem rewarding and a privilege. As you feel like your hard work will pay off and you won't get screwed over in the end to a chorus of your loved ones chanting "it all happens for a reason"

I know that the reason this past semester seemed so miserable is because I was working with no vision. I assumed that here I would just be a cog in the machine and I was only working for the end result of getting some generic job and paying off my loans. Which the way everyone carries on here, I should be so lucky. That was my biggest mistake as I had no enthusiasm for my studies and I was wasting a crucial opportunity.

Well It's the first day of 2011. Although it is completely irrational, for some reason January 1st always makes one feel empowered to make life changes. I'll bite. Today I'm forming a vision for the rest of my time here at Columbia and beyond that. I'm going regain my attitude that I will be taken care of and will see all my plans through. Most of all I want to fall in love with life the way I used to back then. I want to put in hard work knowing that every bit of it will be acknowledged and serve a purpose. I want to boldly march forward in my everyday with a feeling of confidence and assurance that I will simply be taken care of.

I'm going to return to that way of life and I'm sure I will see my positive expectations come to fruition.